The Midlife Nurse

Yesterday I cried at work. In the middle of the office. The week before, I cried on the phone to my boss.

I’m always the one who feels bad about everything, fighting for the underdog and am the voice of those who are introvert.

But that’s all only ever been in my head ….. until now ….

I’ve fought for my family without a seconds thought about whether I was doing the right thing, but in the office I’m another kettle of fish. A completely different woman. I think I work hard, I get things done. I do the jobs no one else wants to do and feel insecure and in desperate need of reassurance deep down. I have taken a lot of slack where others would stand up for themselves.

Now, the hormonal hero within has suddenly had a strop, stamped her feet and yelled “fuck it” from every blood vessel in her body.

I feel a bit like I’ve climbed out of a shell and the world looks different. I look different. I feel different.

So hello confidence, hello control and hello conflict resolution to the internal battle. I stand tall now for what I believe is right in every area of my life, and refuse to feel like a second class human in both romantic relationships and in work relationships. I suffer hugely from imposter syndrome which is so common I know, and I cannot understand why I have the job I have or (when I’m dating, the guy I have) – so spend everyday feeling inferior.

Something changed recently, although I thinks it’s been brewing for ages. I got sick of other people with bigger voices or stronger personalities and find myself dumping boyfriends and challenging work colleagues – even having family meetings – and there’s only three of us 😂😂 (you can imagine how my kids feel about that 🙄😜).

Anyway, whilst I still feel like a hot mess everyday, I have found my inner hormone warrior and am forging forward feeling very secure in myself, morally sound, emotionally intelligent and vastly different to the girl who began her hormone journey at 12 years old.

I’ve gone from insecure, scared, selfish, emotionally highly strung, unloveable and insolent over a 30+ year period, to settled, confident, supportive, and comfortable in my own skin and in what I feel is right, not only for my own physical and emotional well-being but that of my family, friends and work colleagues.

NB Whilst I’m most definitely in warrior mode, the imposter in me is still a work in progress 🙄😂