The Midlife Nurse

So. Are you married? Long term relationship? Friends with benefits, Just met? Or single ….

If you’re menopausal, you’re probably not on the fence where sex is concerned. You’re either into it …. Or not.

If you’re not into it, is that because you’re in a long term relationship and your partner doesn’t understand what you are going through, you have horrible peri menopause symptoms and aren’t interested or are you just bored?

Let’s face it. When in a LTR ….. That’s the bottom line.

Vaginal dryness or atrophy associated with peri menopause for some is so debilitating and women struggle to discuss it openly and men struggle to understand the impact this has emotionally on their girlfriends/wives.

In fact even women who don’t suffer from it struggle to imagine how it must feel.

In addition to the symptomatic manifestations of menopause and peri menopause there’s the issue of general physical contact.

Does your partner still light your fire but you are just not physically in tune with your body or is it that they just don’t stimulate you anymore?

For decades I was always every character EXCEPT Samantha in sex and the city. Suddenly (although probably more like 30 years ago, but feels like suddenly) I AM SAMANTHA.

Do I want LTR? Of course.

But so many fit/understanding/thoughtful/romantic guys out there appear to be married (non negotiable area. I don’t care who you are). I mean ….. have you seen the single guys out there??? ok ok I appreciate I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but …… REALLY????

The dating pool “over 50” is more of a puddle. A puddle of male fixed ideas, attitudes and habits. Although I’m probably included in that statement, (the female version!) as I come with a whole load of learnt behaviours. So does it have to be….

All about the sex only?

Yes, if we want to satiate our inner Samantha.

Although….

It’s not really is it?

My sex drive may be through the roof …… THANK YOU MENOPAUSE!

But the reality is that if sex only could then be attached to a monogamous guy, Who was into the whole “wining and dining” dating and romance experience AND wanted to skip off into the sunset holding hands in domestic bliss….. well hello fairy tale!!! Gimme gimme gimme!

But that doesn’t exist in later life does it? The relationship (not forgetting what our partners want from us too) that fulfils both parties fantasies and accommodates the domestic obligations and financial issues is a tricky customer.

When you fall in love you accept the warts and all approach.

Which works when you’re young.

But as you age without a partner you become fixated on your own needs and wants and are less pliable and accommodating of others needs. Similarly as we age as a couple, complacency sets in “the grass is greener” (it’s not btw trust me, although does come with fabulous self indulgent benefits) we might outgrow each other or want different things.

At 53 ….. Do I want to pander to another person needs? Can we as singletons accept someone else’s foibles, bad habits and laziness in relationships?

If I want a loving permanent relationship….

Yes I would have to.

BUT ….. If I just want sex….

No I don’t have to.

Ultimately the question is….. do single mature women settle for having casual sex for the years they are able and willing to (vaginal dryness permitting) and then settle for the last stages of life alone knowing They’ve had fun, but have not maintained a relationship that offers companionship and affection as they age (which can also come with contempt or regret)?

Or

Do we “settle” at this point in life for a relationship offering simplicity, affection and compromise knowing that in later years we will be with a partner that offers companionship and friendship and a different type of love?

Perhaps I should feel lucky that I have the choice ❤️

Many don’t.

So who is better off ? A LTR that has little physical contact but bucket loads of thought and love or a string of fantastic lsexual partners or FWB options where no one asks or even cares about how your day was?

Both come with pitfalls, complacency and lack of impetus.

But one could come with a love, satisfaction and pleasure that leaves you at later life, in ageing and ailing health, feeling fulfilled.

Neither is right or wrong. It’s individual.

Which life would you like to pursue??

Final words of wisdom….. Whatever situation you are in …. If at any point in life, you have experienced a love lost that was a love worth pursuing…. Go get it. Fight for it and keep working for it. Whatever you do don’t stay in a relationship because you think it’s the only option.

This isn’t a dress rehearsal. Go find what makes you happy and what completes you.

Even if it’s just a really good vibrator.