The Midlife Nurse

We had covid. Well….. in my household. Not actually me.

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So. Having dodged that bullet for two years, despite stripping at the door after every shift and isolating myself from my children during the height Of the pandemic, when I nursed sick, vulnerable and dying covid patients.

It’s now in MY HOUSE.

I spent so much effort to keep my babies, friends and loved ones safe and now it’s here in my personal space. I could shut it off when it belonged to others but now I can’t. I would excessively wake up in the night and check sats, temperatures and resps. Maybe too much? But my babies got sick and they are all I have.

So. As they recover under my watchful eye, I cancelled plans to see my most precious friends (you know who you are) and I prepared our small intimate Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve so that should I be unwell overnight, my children could forage.

I spent Christmas Eve eating trifle 🤮 meant for the extended family so it didn’t go to waste (seriously?) and listening to Christmas carols (ok ok I’m three glasses of wine in too) but I’m so grateful that I could sit doing just this ❤️ I was reminded that although we had a rotten dose here it was nothing compared to other families experiences.

I have cleaned the toilet and bathroom a dozen times a day and scrubbed my hands. Washed up and washed up and washed up. And worked.

Christmas Day? The presents delivered 🤶 and stockings filled (yes, despite my children being older teens there are some traditions that will NEVER stop).

Next week a new year begins. My favourite time of year. An opportunity to reflect, reset and restart. A time to ask, is this the life I want for myself or do I continue to just put a positive spin on whatever happens TO me.

BUT. Should things be happening FOR me?

To a degree we are masters of our own destiny but who really takes that control? Covid, arthritis, colitis, single parenthood and menopause have taught me valuable lessons.

I can handle anything I choose to. I am good enough. I have options.

And….

I have the power to decide if I am in control of me.

2022 …… I choose selfish. Does that mean prioritising myself or prioritising the life choices that are in my best interests – not my family’s, my friends, my career or my “obligations” best interests? Just mine.

Let’s wait and see.