The Midlife Nurse

Meet Your Inner Critic

Can you hear that voice? Your voice?

“You are too old to start something new.”

“Everyone else has it together.”

“Pull yourself together.”

“You aren’t so clever these days are you?”

“Why aren’t you coping with this? “

Your adult children roll their eyes at your lack of memory, your inability to follow directions and have mostly, run out of patience with you. You aren’t truly sure when it began happening, but it feels like it has been around for a while doesn’t it?

At this point in life the inner critic in us all is overworked and laced with disappointment and its time to take back control; after all, what real evidence supports the claims that we are struggling?  That we are past our sell by date?

Opinion is not fact.  Nobody’s opinion is fact, not even our own opinion.

I have been my own worst enemy, since the day I discovered my own voice. Nothing anyone else could have said about me, to me (and did), over the decades, cut as deeply as the words I would say to myself. But as I age, the voice has quietened down; it took me a while to notice its silence to be honest, but now, as I care less about what others think, I have noticed there is nothing more than a whisper present, speaking negative thoughts to me; about me. Sometimes I can tune out of it completely, other times I can shush it up quite quickly.

Its time to hit the mute button and reframe the narrative to a more empowering one. When your voices yells “stupid!” Yell back “really? Prove it!”

OK this is a little unrealistic, but think about the evidence that supports the accusation, and then try addressing yourself as you would your children, or your 9 year old self, if you were standing in front of her right now.

One of the greatest gifts of midlife is realising that you don’t have to believe every thought you think.

The inner critic may always have something to say, but with awareness, self-compassion and a healthy dose of humour, its voice becomes quieter. Your inner critic is part of you, but it is not the wisest part of you.

Solitude is a super way to begin to reset your inner critic; take time out for yourself, there is always a way to do it (if there is a will …), and where you say “but I haven’t got time because …” is just an excuse. Fear, even. Maybe it is scary to spend time alone. But that is the exact point. Anything worth pursuing takes effort and can be uncomfortable, but if you were really happy now, you would not be fantasising about a different way of life, or still pressing your nose up against the windows of the lives of others, feeling they have a better existence. And your inner critic would not be fiercely chastising you at every turn.

Your inner critic is, just a bully. It is time to be kind, be on your own side, and make the relationship with yourself a compassionate one.